helenexo (helenexo) wrote,

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cry myself to sleep

Today my heart was broken into a thousand pieces. Sure what does an only child from the suburbs know about misery, more than you think. Over the years, I've come to realize that most of it, I bring upon myself, but not this time.

She says she wants to change schools and she expected us to be supportive of it. She would rather leave a mediocre school and start all over for only two years, than tough it and stay with her best friends for the two last years of high school. Which really are the most important. Here are the reasons she wants to change:

At this new school:

1-everyone is friendly
2-there arent any clique problems
3-the teachers are easier graders
4-the school is cleaner
5-the dress code isnt as tough

We said:

1-we're not friendly enough for you?
2-neither are there here, just indentifiable groups of friends
3-it has nothing to do with the teachers, you could do just as well if you fuckin studied for once
4-of course it is, ours was built in the early 70's, this one's 2 years old
5-newsflash: we havent been in trouble for going against the dress code all year, only the niners do!

These five arguments deffinatly arent good reasons to leave us. The reason this hurt us so much is that we never in a million years expected her to come up with something like that. If it would have been Gabrielle, we wouldnt have been surprised, right Steph? And you, if you happen to come accross this journal and you are reading this, I hope you realize what you have done. What you said today hurt us all, and you resent us for the way we reacted. Did you really expect us to be happy you didnt even care that you are barely ever going to see us anymore? I know we can see eachother on weekends and all that crap, but we all know that it will never be the same. You said its only 80% sure, well I homestly hope it goes way down.

Now we need to keep this bottled up because you get upset when we say how we feel. "Well say all you want, I still want to change schools" was the worst thing you ever could have said to us. I hope you can see that someday. I want you to know how much you have hurt us, and when everything was resolved and we could all see eachother again. Who did you ever think we could take this well!

I'm thinking maybe I should send this to you and make you read it. I probably wont.

Dropping a bomb on us was very selfish when you dont even know if its happening or not. And two days before we go to Montreal together! I need to talk to you about it but how can I do so without you getting upset and ruinning the whole trip? I cant, there is no way. But now I've said enough to start to cry, which I almost did right infront of you.

We all love you so much Amélie...why?
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